Cultural letter #15 Values
Dear friends,
Here's the promised cultural letter...
Many of you are somewhat "new" to this email list since I've started
sending cultural letters a few years ago. For the "old timers",
If I repeat something, please forgive me.
When a missionary from the
* You have to have a basket if you go into some stores.
When we first came, it was prevalent, virtually everywhere, but thankfully this
tradition has somewhat faded away. However, before this last Christmas, I tried
to walk into the toy wholesale store without a basket, and the girl who was
standing around watching people told me to get a basket. I told her that I was
going to buy "more" and needed a regular "push cart type
basket", and not just a plastic hand held one. She said, OK. They
apparently are pretty strict. When we were first in
*Drinking cold drinks in the wintertime is strange, and giving cold drinks
to small children is negligence and will certainly cause sickness!
The first time I took Daniel (he was young then...like 2), to an older
Polish lady's apartment, she offered him some juice. I said, "Sure, that
would be great," and she pulled it out of the 'fridge and apologized
because it had just come from the refrigerator. I thought that this was
very strange indeed since I thought the refrigerator was where the juice was SUPPOSED
to be kept. Since then, I've seen that many of them keep the opened juice
container on the counter if they have small children in the house. They
are convinced the child will get sick if they drink cold things, but especially
during the winter. Of course this is humorous to us, because our kids would be
constantly sick if this were true. What isn't humorous is when I see
people actually yelling at their children if they drink something cold and
telling them rather loudly..."Look, now you'll get sick!" etc if their kid drinks a cold soda pop. I think the
younger generation prefers cold, as my children said that the soft drink
machines at school are pretty busy even now, when the temps are below freezing.
*When a couple gets married, there isn't an urgency to get their own place.
Many, many young couples, when they get married, move into the room of the one
who had the better place and don't find their own place, apart from mom or
dad. You may read this, and say, "Oh, but it is
financial." Well, yes and no. The truth is, the sacrifices to
pay the rent, food, car, have money left over to buy cds, etc...it just isn't enough
and most don't want to "go downhill" in their standard of living that
they had while living with mom and dad. The young people here are similar
to the young people in the states, in that they want to "have it all"
just like when living with mom and dad before marriage...go on vacations,
stereos, car (and gasoline is expensive!), etc. and the chances are they are making
even less than in the states. So, as a result, the most obvious and easy answer
is to live with mom and dad in one tiny room.
The ones who desire more privacy may actually arrange things or remodel things
so as to have their own entrance, bathroom, kitchen, etc, but many share
everything...except they both move into the husband's
(or wife's) previous bedroom. This can get a little crowded when a little
one is added. I say that with many it just isn't priority to get their
own place...as it is more comfortable (and definitely cheaper). I have an
English student who just bought a brand new car with cash, new expensive
digital camera and all the trappings, is shopping for a new laptop and never
seems to have to take time to "recover" financially before buying the
next thing. But, he and his wife and son live at his parent's house. I
asked him why didn't get his own place..and
frankly, he doesn't seem to even desire it. Strange,
huh? To us, it is. Why? I'm not sure. I don't think he pays
for any of the "house expenses" or maybe part of the electricity, etc..but not like insurances,
taxes, etc, from his comments. I know he is only one, but others who have
been here longer than I have said similar things. They'd rather have their
money "to play" than to have their own privacy and ensuing
responsibility.
Of course, this isn't 100%, and there will be some who will strongly desire to
be on their own more than have the conveniences of mom.
Our neighbor across the street told me one day that it was better living where
they are now..with no indoor
toilet, than living with her mother-in-law in a nice house with
everything. She definitely prefers it. It isn't unusual to find 3
generations under one roof, and sometimes those generations are all living
"under grandma's conditions". In the states, you may find a
grandma or grandpa living with child but usually it is child who is the one
"helping out" grandma, either because of finances, but often because
of the need to be close because of physical needs. Here, it seems like no
one has moved out so of course, grandma still "rules." Interesting. It would be tough, I think. As a result,
in many cases, "grandma" still rules and controls kids and
grandkids. This leads to the next point.
*Many people call this a matriarchal society.
I'm not sure if I totally agree with this, but it does seem like there are
more women judges, principals of schools, doctors, lawyers, than even men
principals, etc. However, we have a man president and all the upper positions
are held by men, like minister of this, and minister of that. I've not
heard of a woman holding these offices, and certainly women do not prevail
there. However, Mike tells me that in the government offices who
control visas, paperwork, etc, he more often deals with women than men. (Maybe
it is because most of these jobs are seen to be more secretarial.) Whatever the
case, the "grandma" often is the leader of the family...and
definitely tells the "grandpa" what to do. While there are
exceptions, they are rare. Polish people tell me this is true.
The "babcia" (grandma) often is a stern,
unhappy person who is a busybody and is always checking on others and is the
one most upset and verbal if the grandchild goes to another church, etc.
While I hate to stereotype "grandmas" in
*Many people who don't have work don't diligently look for it and if they
have it, they are somewhat lazy.
I was surprised at this. It is like the fringe crowd, who isn't
particularly trained, is waiting for "the wonderful job" that is
going to await them somewhere, sometime. They don't buy newspapers and
look at the help wanted, they buy cigarettes. They don't see if they can
learn skills, they buy alcohol. It is really a different mindset for me,
and I'm wondering what they are waiting for...a beanstalk to climb into heaven
with so that they can get all that gold that is "out there"
somewhere?
Milena and Ania, the two
girls who come on Sat. for Bible study explained it this way. They said during
communist times, if a person went to a company and said, "I'm looking for
work," basically the company had to find them a job...and all they had to
do was to "be there" and it was pretty easy to bring home a
paycheck. Now, they have to actually perform at work, and many don't like
it, nor do they want to go to the effort to "find work", because we
all know that it is sometimes the hardest work of all...looking for work. They've
not adjusted to the "new system" (which isn't new anymore).
Just as in the states, most young people want to start fresh out of
school/college with a good paying job, and really don't want to start at the
bottom, even if they have no experience. I've been frustrated at times by
the cigarette breaks people have to take, the slow way they work, etc.
Sometimes you feel like, while the per hour wage is small, the whole job would
be done just as cheaply, or almost as cheaply as in the states with a much
higher paid, but faster working person. Of course, there are
exceptions! Please don't think that I think that all people are
lazy...but it is more that their definition of "hard work" is
definitely different from mine. Their definition of "busy" is
different from mine as well. (I think Americans redefine "busy"
and take it to new heights!)
*Vacations are high priority and almost anyone who can at all afford it,
will take one.
A person with no water in their house, or bathroom, will save and save for
a nice 2 week vacation. I'd rather have the bathroom than 2 weeks away.
Our values are somewhat different. Possibly for me, the difference is that I
spend so much time at home. If a person works and spends most of their time
away from home, that the lack of a bathroom means less to them than to
me. Also, if they are used to no bathroom, then it isn't really a
"big deal", but rather, a "minor
inconvenience." It is more "normal" and a bathroom
might be considered "rich". That depends. We have
neighbors with an outhouse...in fact, two of them.
During the winter, Polish people often take 2 weeks (1 week minimum) and go to
the mountains to ski...the young people often go in groups and rent a house especially geared for this. During the
summer, 2 weeks would be considered minimal...more often that,
a vacation would be 3 weeks, or even one whole month, either July or
August. Of course, some do not travel all that time, but many do.
Tourist agencies run specials all over
*If you bend a young baby in the middle, you will ruin his backbone for life
and he will be deformed.
I had a hard time being told this with Lydia (my fourth), as I felt like
(but didn't) telling those well meaning but misinformed people to take a look
at my 3 older children, Jeremiah, Timothy, and Abby, and tell me if their
backbones were deformed. I read in one prayer letter while we were on
deputation, a missionary wife in the
(I've learned to keep my mouth shut, and just laugh...but with otherwise
well-educated people, it was hard to be tolerant of their superstitions about
various things.)
Gotta go.
My youngest daughter has a school meeting.
From
Becky Petersen for us all